Trouble sleeping . . .

I made the silly mistake of trying a new vitamin enriched energy drink tonight and now I can't sleep. I keep replaying my day over in my head. I especially keep seeing my two little boys faces as I was leaving the house for a meeting tonight. They were sad. I had been working at the church today. So they were not happy to see me go tonight and I was not happy to have to leave them and miss bedtime, but unfortunately I had to go to some training at church. Aidan said, as I was walking out the door, "but I wanted to have a club with you tonight . . ." This whole working thing, be that it's only a few hours a week, can be difficult. Knowing that Aidan is starting Kindergarten in one week makes leaving him ever even harder. I never knew that I would want to be around these little boys so much.

Tomorrow is our day together, though. It's library day for us . . . It's always crazy to see what kinds of books the boys pick off the shelves. Urbana has a just built a new, beautiful public library. It's wonderful. The kids section is so much fun for us. I love that I have a little boy who loves books almost as much as I do. I wonder if I can take some pictures of them "book hunting . . ."

Aidan and I have spent time with a little boy who will be in his Kind. class and his mom. She also works (full-time as aprofessor). She pointed out to me that even when I was home with the boys full-time, wasn't I able to find something to feel inadequate about. She's right. There's always something. Did I feed them a good enough breakfast? Am I spending enough time with them today? Am I being too imapatient today? Have I shared God's Word with them today? I can never feel really confident, no matter the geography of us, that I'm doing the very best for them all the time. Sometimes it's overwhelming (i.e. right now). But sometimes I just look at them and think I'm doing a pretty good job. They're lovely kids.