Red's Head

The Sound of Laundry

2009-07-23T10:13:00.001-07:00

I found myself dialing in on the hum and rhythm of my washer and dryer this morning. It's such a familiar, ordinary sound in the home, but it's funny how many thoughts the sounds are bringing up today. When the washing machine is running . . . it gives me the feeling of buckling down for the day, it tells me that it's time to get to work. When the washing machine and the dryer are both humming, I feel like I'm making progress. And then when it's silent, it's calling me back in for the unloading and reloading. I guess all that humming and whirring is the sound of "work." And though I mostly hate laundry, and have honestly let it ruin my day more than once, there is something about the warmness of the laundry room and the good smell of detergent, dryer sheets, and clean clothes that makes it all more bearable.

Evening In My Neighborhood

2009-07-20T15:03:00.000-07:00

I love my neighborhood in the summer right around the 4 to 5 o'clock hours. That's when many of the working neighbors start arriving home . . . the potato chip delivery truck takes its place in the driveway next door, vans with ladders on top and company logos painted on their sides pull into other driveways up and down the street. And within minutes the quiet, green neighborhood that has rested all day wakes up. Garage doors are opened, lawnmowers are started, grills are open and lit. And with those sounds comes the smells of fresh-mowed grass and the smell of charcoal and grilling burgers. Barking dogs come bursting out of open patio doors to get their first chance to run through their yards all day. Neighbors wave a "hello" from across the street as they open and close mailbox doors. I like this time of day. It's familiar and normal. It feels like home.

God is in the heart . . .

2008-08-22T11:11:00.001-07:00

I knew this day would come for one of my kids . . .

Liam is eating his lunch today, chicken nuggets and applesauce, and he asks me, "Does God like chewed up food?"

"What?" is my response.

He repeats, "Does God like chewed up food?"

"What do you mean by that," I ask.

"Well, if God is in the heart, doesn't chewed up food go by the heart? And if He's there he might get some of the chewed up food."

What do you say to that, to a 4-year-old?

"Well, I guess God doesn't mind the chewed up food so much," I tell him.

But parks are happy places . . .

2008-06-24T09:28:00.000-07:00

Parks are so nice. Parks that are kept up nicely, with shady places to rest, and pretty flowers are really just delightful. Parks that are just starting out, though, just aren't that nice. Part of the draw for us when we chose our current house to buy a year ago was the 10 acre field that our backyard borders. The only things in the field were grass, a big red barn, several groves of trees, wildflowers, and two very cute red foxes. When you looked out the back door, it looked like we lived in the country . . . looking out the front we're reminded of the large neighborhood we live in. Soon after we moved, however, a note was put on our front door by the village that those 10 acres were soon going to be made into a park. Mixed emotions ensued. I mean, great a park . . . i can see straight into the field, so that means it'll be like 10 extra acres of "yard" for us to enjoy. Yes, there will be the noise of baseball games in the summer (I can hear over-zealous mother's yelling at their sons now to "hustle, hustle"), but really I think it will be great. But what is so sad, is the absolute destruction that is now taking place to make that lovely field into a park. For a solid month, excavators, chains saws, wood chippers, and other equipment has been whirring from the field. Most of the groves of trees have been brought down . . . ground has been dug up for water lines for the concession stand. So this will go on, we're told until late 2009. And really the saddest thing of all to me is what the field was before it was the field/park. It was horse stables and grounds for over thirty years. We missed bordering that by just a few years. When the owners stopped raising/boarding horses just a few years ago, they sold the land to the village at an amazing price. I would have loved watching horses graze out in that field while I drank my coffee in the morning. Instead I see piles of dirt and tree stumps . . . bright orange marking tape and black paper temporary fencing. Maybe once the park is finished, and lovely and useful, I'll forget the "ickiness" it has been in it's construction phases.

Remember when . . .

2008-06-18T21:55:00.000-07:00

Remember when your kids were little, and at some point you had to be away from them for a weekend or a few days. When you returned home, you went to hug your kids, thinking they would be so overjoyed to see you. But instead they start bawling . . sort of like laughing -bawling, but out and out crying no less. It used to happen every time we've had to leave our children. I was trying to imagine tonight for some strange reason what the emotion must feel like to a child in that moment. Is it the shear relief that makes them cry? Are they angry that you ever left in the first place? Maybe the rush of emotion of just how much they love you or how great it is to see your face again hits them and makes them cry. I don't know. I was just thinking about it. One of those sweet little kid things that really is sweet, but really curious.

2008-02-20T18:28:00.000-08:00

Tonight, I had just finished reading, "The Rainbow Fish" to my four-year-old. He was running his fingers through my hair as he often does when I'm reading to him. And then he looked at me and said, "I like how God made you." Followed by a super sweet smile.

It's the nicest thing any boy has ever said to me.

New Year . . . now write

2008-01-13T19:28:00.001-08:00

I got excited about a New Year's Resolution this year . . . and I don't usually do resolutions. Well then, 72 hours into the new year, Josh was in the car crash and it becomes hard to resolve to stuff when you're helping someone heal from a car wreck and run the house single-mom style. But now . . he's on his feet so I can start thinking about stuff again. So I resolve that I'm just going to write at least a little bit everyday. I found this great book that's full of little ideas, scenarios, situations, that inspire you to write. It has writing "starters" such as sentences that you fill in the blank , and then the idea would be to keep on writing off that starter. It asks you to describe specific people from your past. Stuff like that. I'm so excited. So I'm kind of jazzed up about that. The end.

So, it's almost November . . .

2007-10-31T14:28:00.001-07:00

Okay, so that's my adorable 2nd-grader marching this afternoon in his school's "storybook character" parade . . . not to be confused as one of those pesky Halloween parades. For those of you not up to speed on your 2nd grade literature, he's dressed as his favorite kid-detective, "Nate the Great." (And yes that's the literary giant, Jeff Gordan of NASCAR fame, following behind him.) And we are taking our boys trick or treating tonight . . . not really to celebrate or not celebrate Halloween or to just rake in the candy, but really to spend some time with the friends who are joining us, maybe to meet a few more of our new neighbors, and to let our kids use their imaginations dressing as some of their favorite characters. We don't have a big problem with that.

In other ramblings . . . we are loving fall at this house, but the leaf/acorn situation is out of hand. There is no way at this point we could catch up. We have 5 GIANT oak trees in our yard, as well as 7 walnuts, and some asst. fruits trees. Man alive. It's beautiful. but more work than we can possibly keep up with. Sorry, neighbors. We are "those people," the ones who don't keep our yard raked up nicely. Sigh.

In less than two weeks our little Liam will be turning 4 years old. I know science has proved it all, but I still don't understand how it's possible for him to have grown so quickly. I still think of him as the "baby." Sigh.

That's us these days.

Ponderings from the mini-van, third row . . .

2007-10-15T20:07:00.000-07:00

This is another delightful, thought-provoking, and completely true conversation my 7-year-old started with me on our way to church Sunday morning. (Please see other exciting conversations of this nature, such as "Does the president sin?" on this blog)

Aidan: Is Judgement Day on the calendar?

Mom: No. We don't know the day or hour Jesus will come back.

Aidan: Oh, 'cuz when Judgement Day comes, God's gonna destroy the whole earth.

Mom: Yeah, but Jesus will take all of us who believe in God to Heaven to be with Him forever.

Aidan: You think I'll get to sit next to a president in Heaven? Do you think I could sit next to Ronald Reagan?

Mom: Well, when we're in Heaven, we'll just be so excited about being with God forever we won't care about anything else, like who we're sitting next to.

Aidan: That's a great feeling. (he smiles a smile that nearly brought me to tears)

Mom: Yes, it is a great feeling.

Aidan: Don't you think the excitement will wear off, though?

Mom: No.

Aidan: It'll probably wear off after about 2 billion years.

Mom: No, the Bible says we'll have new bodies when we're in Heaven. So we'll be different and it probably won't wear off.

Aidan: What kind of new bodies?

Mom: I don't know, but we won't worry about stuff like sin anymore, because our bodies we got now seem to make us sin.

Aidan: I hope He gives us new minds too, because my mind makes me sin!

That kid's always giving me something to think about. I love his heart and his mind.

All you need is books . . .

2007-09-18T20:33:00.000-07:00

Around this time of year here in the midwest some domestic-type women go through the whole process of moving the summer clothes out of the closets and moving in the sweaters and winter clothes. (I had a friend when I was young whose mom kept their sweaters in the deep freeze during the summer . . . weird) Anyways, I've sort of got that going on with my books. I've begun the process of moving all the stacks of books that lay on the floor next to my bed, or on the sofa table in the living room, or wherever else they may be stacked about the house. You see they are the summer books that have been read, and are now ready to be stored for the winter . . . or until I see fit to get them out again. And I have about 25 or 30 "winter" books to put in their place. It's all garage sale-ing, people. I get a whole autumn/winter's worth of books by hitting those rummage sales. And our little town of Mahomet here, just had community wide sales last weekend, and as it turns out we got a raging community of book clubs around here . . . and what do women do when they get done with their book club books . . . sell them for CHEAP at their rummage sales. But before I put the summer books away, I thought I'd give a little summary of what I thought of a few of the books I've read. Here goes.

1. "Bel Canto" by Ann Patchett; A terrorist organization takes a ballroom of dignitaries-political figures and businessmen- hostage at the home of the country's vice president. We are never told what country, just somewhere in South America. I like this book a lot. I love political fiction so this was good. Lots of people, speaking different languages, trapped together for weeks in the lavish home of the vice president by these terrorists who really have no good plan for what to do with their hostages. Weird friendships are formed. I liked it.

2. "The Memory Keeper's Daughter" by Kim Edwards; This book was pretty tragic. The characters make terrible decisions that live with them forever, pretty much destroying their families and their lives. It involves a baby born with Down's Syndrome during a time - the 60's- when not much hope was given to children with Down's . . . when it was thought such children should be institutionalized. I'm not sure I would say I liked it as a story . . .pretty tragic, often made me feel angry.

3. "Stolen Lives" by Malika Oufkir; This is the true account of Malika and her brothers', sisters', and mother's 20-year imprisonment in a horrific Moroccan prison. Malika's father was an advisor to the king of Morocco, and was killed after hoisting a failed coup against the king. Then his children and wife were imprisoned, and basically tortured for the next 20 years until they were able to escape and gain their freedom through pretty amazing circumstances. As heartbreaking as it was, I really liked this book. It was amazing what this family went through . . . and lived. They couldn't even kill themselves while in prison, though they did try to put themselves out of their misery.

4. "Vinegar Hill" by A. Manette Ansay; Blah. Though well-written, this book was the most depressing story of a woman so unhappy and trapped in her marriage . . . which included her living in her mean, German, in-laws' home. I hate stories of unhappy housewives. Ick. So that was that. Josh couldn't understand why I read to the end. It would have to be depressing and poorly written for me to give up in the middle of the book.

5. "The Magician's Nephew" by C.S. Lewis; So, okay I've read this before, maybe when I was 10 or 11. But Aidan and I read this book together and it was the best thing ever. I love the Chronicles of Narnia so much, so what else can I say. It delighted Aidan more than anything . . . I think it was partly the story itself and partly he and I sitting in the dim living room at bedtime reading with anticipation.

6. "Destiny Junction" by Michael Phillips; This was a piece of Christian fiction, which can often be quite "if-y." Some Christian fiction is incredibly well written, say Francine Rivers, loved everything I've read by her. But some turns out, well sad to say, cheesy. This I felt, fell in that "cheese" category. Yet I feel guilty, because it did proclaim the gospel over and over in a fictional, lots-of-drama sort of way. People in this town, Destiny Junction, were having affairs in their marriage, cheating at their jobs, plotting to kill kids at the local high school, gambling . . . and then they all feel lead to go to church on the same Sunday . . . they all repent and get saved, all in the same week . .. I mean the whole town. Touching, but odd as well.

Books I have not been able to finish . . .

1. "Mrs. Dalloway" by Virginia Woolf; This book has been on my bedside table for months. I just can't seem to get through it. It's gotten harder to read Virginia Woolf. I think it's because I drive a minivan, but I'm not sure.

2. "White Widow" by Jim Lehrer; Okay, yes this is the same Jim as in Jim Lehrer on the news on public television. It's a romance, I think, and a little "hoaky." Had to give it a chance though . . . I mean Jim Lehrer . .. the novelist.

Currently Reading . . .
"Inside My Heart" by Robin McGraw; Yes, this is Dr. Phil's wife. Please don't look at me like that. It is quite good. I'm only a few chapters in , she is a sweet, wise woman, who has found lots of happiness in life. Why wouldn't I want to read it. And I want some dirt on Phil . . .

That's a few. I've worn myself out though rethinking all those stories and characters. But I think I like doing this with my books I read, at least for my own good.

Anybody have any good reads they would definitely recommend?

Peace . . .

2007-08-22T20:56:00.000-07:00

I was thinking, driving my 17 minutes through the country to my home after work today, about peace. I just started saying the word out loud. Not sure why. I realized that I really like that word, just as a word. I like the way my lips feel when I say it. "Peace." It's a gentle word, for lack of a better description. And then to begin to think of the meaning of the thing . . . I automatically think, peace of Christ. . . not like John Lennon peace, more like Rich Mullins peace. It's kind of hard to describe what the peace of Christ is like. Simply put, it's like knowing everything's going to be okay. But following Christ doesn't mean that everything will be "okay" in life. Scary, hard things will happen. So it's too simple to just say that it means that everything will be okay. It's better than that. It's like knowing that scary, hard things will happen, but at the end of a hard, scary day I will still have Christ, I will still have the hope of Heaven, and I am still loved by Love himself. It's something I always know, but as a feeling it sometimes takes a few moments to wash over me. Like when I'm really cold and I take a drink of hot tea or creamy hot coffee . . . and I feel warm moving across my body. I guess just knowing how deeply "okay" everything is going to be, like when I really know it and when I really feel it, it relaxes every muscle in my body, slowly, but surely. Oh yeah, and did I mention that I also really like the way it sounds when I say it. Peace.

Bye, Bye, Baby . . . stuff

2007-06-30T19:52:00.000-07:00

Took a giant, adult step today . . . I parted ways with our giant inventory of baby supplies. You name it we had it. Bottles, blankies, strollers, carseats, bouncers, etc. I had never come to terms with getting rid of all that stuff, so I just kept it . . . storing it in every closet possible. Moving last month seemed like the perfect chance to finally do it. We had the largest garage sale today . . . the largest I believe in Central Illinois history. Three other families joined us, so it wasn't just our stuff . . . but the selection of treasure was almost overwheming. It will probably sound really silly to many of you, but saying goodbye to tiny fuzzy jammies that still smell like a sweet baby, is one of the hardest things to do. It's just so hard to release little toys that play familiar little baby-hood songs - songs that I've come to know as the soundtrack of my babies' early days. The sailboat-adorned swing that both of my boys napped in for hours every day lead the parade of Graco, Little Tykes, and Playskool memories that made it's way up my driveway. We even sold the little oak Mission Style crib that both of my boys logged in 7 years of combined sleeping time in. I have to say that seeing what a blessing it was for some of our "shoppers" who were excited to find those important supplies for their babies, at garage sale prices, was pretty great. I thought about this throughout the day . . . it's so much better for someone to use the stuff, than for me to store it for sentimental purposes. Baby days are gone for our family ( I believe), and now I need to focus on the present and future of these boys who will grow into men before my eyes. I am so thankful to God, for that sweet time He gave us as parents to enjoy our babies when they were so tiny and new. . . how every day was about watching them grow more and more into little "people." I guess I don't need all their "stuff" to remind me of how sweet and amazing those days were. (we have a few leftovers still lingering, though, if anyone's in the market . . . )

Settling in . . .

2007-06-14T14:09:00.000-07:00

We've been in the house almost a month now. A month next Tuesday. And we're still quite sure we made the right choice on the home we bought. I'm glancing out the patio doors at the grape arbours, blueberry patch, apple trees and lots of green grass and green breezy trees as I type. It's one of the most relaxing places I've been. We've been plotting a way to turn our back deck into a stage and have parties with live bands and all. Small town life sure seems to be a whole lot better so far than the way we had been living. What a whirlwind the whole month was leading up to the move, though. It was so crazy . . . waiting to close and all. In the midst of the move we had Robb's wedding and I wrecked our van on the day of the wedding. Nobody was hurt . . . just the minivan's butt. Hee hee. But life is calm now. We are thinking of taking a vacation this year. Just to celebrate and rest as a family because of all that's happened this year. We're just not sure where yet, though. The budget is small . . . that whole buying a house thing and all. Any ideas for the most relaxing family vacation you've been on . . . that also wasn't too expensive? I'm taking suggestions so we can get this thing underway.

Maybe next week . . .

2007-05-10T17:13:00.000-07:00

Very sleepy today. Returned in the wee hours from a conference in Atlanta, where I'd been since Sunday night. I came back and found that our family was still living in the same house, so the whole house thing hasn't been resolved yet. But, it looks like it could all resolve next week, not sure though. A constant flow of realtors have been showing the house since we put it back on the market, but we haven't received any other offers. So waiting a little while more on the first buyers seems to be the right option. Little bit stressed as we have Rob's wedding next weekend . . . can't really move over wedding weekend. Highlights of conference . . . hearing Don Miller speak. I know, I know, many of you have said you didn't enjoy hearing him speak. But he struck a chord in my little English major heart . . . talking about story and narrative. So I really enjoyed that. Also, Jeff Foxworthy made an appearance . . . told a few jokes and told us all of how much he loves the Lord. Can't beat that. And got to see Erin (Schwarburg) Fenelon. How awesome was that? Real awesome. I came back knowing, as I often do after these conferences, that I love writing. I get away from my daily life and routine, and I start writing like a crazy person. I decided to write up reports of all the info. I gathered from the conference . . . just for the FUN of it, adding other research I've been gathering online today. How crazy is that?

We'd appreciate your continued prayer as we await the outcome of our house stuff . . .

In search of distraction . . .

2007-04-26T13:14:00.000-07:00

With only 5 days to go until closing, our deal to sell our house and buy a new one has crumbled . . . by no fault of ours. I had spent the week doing all the last of the packing and all of the changing of addresses and phone numbers, and then without warning a phone call at noon yesterday put the brakes on the whole deal. One of the parties involved had to walk away from the deal and the dominoes started. I am so bewildered. I'm living in a house of brown boxes. And I'm not sure where my mail is going to end up. My kids are currently watching the Weather Channel because we packed all their toys and videos. . . and there isn't anything else nice on cable for them to watch. I don't think I've ever before had directions changed so drastically in my life like this. So I guess the process of listing the house starts all over or something. Sighhh. I was offered a "mental health" day from work to stay home and deal with the news, but I felt like I had to be doing something normal. And now I'm home and I don't know what to do with myself. I can't settle down enough to read a book or play a game with the kids. (they're all packed . . . the games, not the kids.) So this is it. Letting everyone in on how crazy it is around here this week.

One week . . .

2007-04-23T14:37:00.000-07:00

We're down to a week until we move into our new house. Not a "new" house, but new to us. This whole process has been overwhelming. I hope it's the last time we do this. I think it would take a stern call to sell everything and join the mission field to ever make me move again. There's something about clearing my walls and putting my things I use daily into cardboard boxes that makes feel not-so myself. I'm hoping this isn't a bad sign that I'm too into my stuff. Life feels scattered and messed up. I kind of feel that even though I've carefully labeled all the boxes I've packed, it's like I've already lost all the important stuff. Like, "where is the digital camera card?" I can't say right now, but it's packed somewhere. Where are blank envelopes? Don't know. Where is the play-doh, paint, and paintbrushes? Can't say right now. All this has me feeling a little crazy. My perfect household inventory in my brain is so messed up that it makes me feel a little crazy.

I am looking forward to the adventure of meeting new neighbors, figuring out where I'll grocery shop or rent videos . . . all that comes with getting to know a new town. Just feeling a little overwhelmed today.

I'll try to get out an email with our new address and phone number soon. We'll be in Mahomet, so not too far away.

Does the President sin . . . ?

2007-04-09T13:07:00.000-07:00

From the mouth of the 6-year-old. We were driving home from school this afternoon . . . and Aidan was sitting in the back of the van, quiet . . . contemplative. And he asks,
"Does the President ever sin?"
"What?" I ask.
"Does the President SIN ever," he repeats.
"Well, yeah, everybody sins . . . even presidents," I say.
"I'm talking about the President of the United States, Mom," Aidan says.
"Even the President of the United States sins," I explain.
"Well, does the President ever lie?" he asks.
"Which president are you talking about?" I ask.
"George Bush, Mom," Aidan says.
"We hope he doesn't, " I say.
" There was a President that lied," Aidan says. "That was Bill Clinton and he was the president when I ws born. So I guess presidents lie."
"Well all the people who live in the country get to vote for who we want to be president, and we hope that the person we elect doesn't lie," I explain.

Then we get a little off track when Aidan wants to know who the President of The World is, which as far as I know hasn't been decided yet. And then we get around to talking about how the President of the United States has just about the most important job in the world.

"Has a girl ever been a president?" Aidan asks.
"Any president," I ask, "Or THE President of the United States?'
"Of the country, Mom," he insists.
"Well, not yet." I say.

Then I explain about Hilary . . . but by then he's moved on to a new topic . . . what candy he'll be eating from his Easter Basket when we get home.

Happy Easter and We're moving . . .

2007-04-06T13:09:00.000-07:00

Getting excited for Easter weekend. We don't so much do the bunny and the egg-thing, but I always know that church on Easter Sunday is gonna be a big rockin' party. And that's kind of how I like to celebrate the best stuff. We'll probably get to see some family . . maybe eat something good. Also, in the last three weeks we sold our house and bought a new one (new to us.) It's been a whirlwind. Our house here in Urbana sold in 6 days, which I didn't expect. So riding on the wave of "Whaaahht? Huuhh?" we bought a house in Mahomet. It's a little rural . . . 1/2 acre with well water. But I think we'll be happy there. We pretty much planned our summer out based on Lion's Club pancake breakfasts and Masonic Lodge street BBQ's. We don't get those a lot here in Urbana. The house we bought was built about 20 years ago as a replica to the Ewing House in Williamsburg, VA, so it of course appealed to Josh's history background and my wanting to have a place to live in background. It's really pretty charming, and begging for a big ole cookout in the yard (Hint hint, nudge nudge) So we'll be in by the end of April. Yikes.

So great to see friends at Annual Banquet last weekend! Watching the "our generation" slide show made it seem like only yesterday. Except that my 6-year-old was sitting nearby shaking his head in confusion. Other than that, it seemed like just yesterday. A few things I forgot about . . . I used to wear penny loafers with jean shorts . . . a lot. What? And I wore a "Dumb & Dumber" (the movie) T-shirt when I was baptized at Winter Retreat. Again, What?

They never ask for prayer or wisdom . . . just money

2007-02-12T13:08:00.000-08:00

I answer a lot of random phone calls working at a church . . . lots of what are your service times, what do you offer kids, the elderly, women? . . .and on and on. Probably once or more a week I get calls from anonymous people asking for money for various things . . . rent, hotel fees, car repairs, food, clothes, etc. These are random people who have probably never attended our church. They usually will not give their names (It's hard to cut checks to anonymous people). They're always calling from a hotel room, totally desperate. Nine out of ten times, they'll tell me they have not been in the area long and they have no friends or family to call on. I'll ask what made them think to call our church. They usually tell me that they are going down the list of churches in the phone book . . . our church starts with the letter "W," so it's probably been a long day for them. As it probably is with most churches, I can't as a secretary tell an anonymous person calling for money from a hotel room, "yes, stop by and I'll cut you a check." (I don't have the power to cut anybody a check from our church bank account.) Does any church work that way? We do offer emergency boxes of groceries . . . anybody can stop by and we'll stock their kitchen cabinets for a few weeks. But we just don't hand out cash to anonymous people. (One man one time did admit he had only been out of prison for about 12 hours . . . and could he stop by for money and food.) I've had people get irate with me, they can't believe there's not a church in town that won't give them money . . today.

This afternoon I had one one of those calls. She was so hoarse and talking so fast I could barely understand her. She told me her name, but changed it in the middle of the call. Heather is what we landed on. She told me she had been coming to our church for some time, but a few breaths later told me she had been in town only a few days. I asked where she was calling from . . . a hotel. She had already called a community help line who offered her some money, but she would have to "go all the way down there" to pick up the check. And she was without a car.
She kept asking me, "What am I supposed to do?"

It's just so strange to me . . . why do they call us for money? They never ask for prayer or wisdom. (I have offered to pray with people . . . they don't always accept.) Why does "random church" come to mind when they have maybe never called on God their entire life. If they really want to know something about the Savior, I can do that. But I generally I'm just getting the "need some cash immediately vibe." I'm quite certain many of these phone calls are not legitimate . . . just a feeling I get. But I know I have talked to people who are desperate, who need to feed their families, etc. (If someone we know comes to us with a need like this, we have a process in place to meet those needs. And I think our church is generous in meeting the needs of people we know or people we get to know in the process of them finding help.)

It's shakes me up so bad after these phone calls. It's so hard to tell someone, who says they are in need, that you're not going to be the one to help them. I sort of wonder all day, "I am a Christ follower . . . wasn't I supposed to do more to help these people?" It's just hard. There have been a few people who I thought about all week after I talked to them . . .prayed for them.

I just don't know.

That's all.

I love my Kid!

2007-02-03T07:44:00.000-08:00

This was from the annual Mom and Son Night of Fun, last night in Urbana. It's a night for Mom's and their boys to have a nice night out together with dinner and dancing. I took Aidan (Liam's still a bit too young). I'm impressed by what a gentleman I have for a little boy. He was so polite and had perfect mannerrs at the dinner. And then he cut a serious rug on the dance floor which was so fun! I am blessed by the children God has gifted me with . . .

Big News . . .

2007-01-26T17:41:00.000-08:00

So our Aidan, after weeks of constant wigglin', finally lost his first tooth two nights ago. I got the call as I was having dinner with a friend in Bloomington Wednesday night. Man, alive! I don't remember it all being such an ordeal from when I was of tooth-losing-age. (Teeth are weird, you're born with out them, then you grow some, then you lose some, and then you eventually lose them all again. . . mhhhm.) We were daily, hourly, minute-ly, absorbed by the prospect that the tooth could fall out at any time. Josh and I learned patience and constitution as we fought every urge to just reach in and pull the thing out. Watching Aidan pass into this stage of slightly bigger kid-hood has been interesting. I think my kid, who has been a bit squeamish and dramatic at the sight of blood or general pain up to now, really upped his pain tolerance just to see what kind of loot he could get out of the deal. (the loot tally came in at $3 under his pillow the next morning. Hee hee.) And I came out of it all acting like some weirdo, proud Mom. I've had Aidan show everybody his tooth-void, even strangers . . . I don't know why. Oh, by the way, that's him in the photo above . . .

T-E-A-M . . .

2007-01-11T14:06:00.000-08:00

Just thinking of how blessed I am by the people I do life with . . . I mean other than my immediate family. The small group Josh and I are a part of at our church is also the worship planning team. Some weeks we're studying the Word, some weeks we're just catching up and praying for each other, and some weeks we're planning out what our Sunday morning services are going to look like according to what kind of teaching topic we're heading toward. And the heartbeat of the group is to help people see God in the music, drama, art, etc. that we plan. It's such a great group. I get to spend time with some of the most talented and creative people I've ever met. And there's this feeling I get from being around these friends that I can do anything for my God . . . things I would never have dreamed of doing. I think we're cultivating how to care for each other, encourage each other, and spur each other on, just in the exact ways we each need. And I think this helps us on our "creative" planning weeks. There is definitely freedom to be creative and dream. It's just a unique kinda group . . . the first I've been a part of. I was feeling unusually blessed today by it all and wanted to write . . . (By the way , the bottles in the photo was something our group put together during a series at church on the book of Jonah. We sent one of these bottles to every family in our church with a message inside. In the photo they are addressed and ready to sent on their way. Someone sang "Message in A Bottle, by Sting that week too. It's become too much fun when we get to sing Sting in church!)

Transition Day . . .

2007-01-02T13:51:00.000-08:00

Today feels like a transition day. Our Christmas break seemed unusually long but tomorrow thrusts me back into my normal life. So today has felt odd all day. It sort of feels like I've been leaning back into the rubbery part of a slingshot for the last few months, stretching it and stretching it, and now sometime in the wee hours of tomorrow morning something's gonna give and I'm gonna spring out into something. Probably just more normal life type stuff, but it still feels a little sudden. Over the break we fit in a visit down to Oblong, Christmas Eve with family at our house, a visit to Peoria, several home-improvement projects as we prepare to get our house on the market, and an all-nighter with friends on New Year's Eve. That's a lot to pack in. (I had to go into work for 3 hours last Wednesday, and that's it.) But back to work for me tomorrow, and back to 1st grade for Aidan. I've spent transition day playing games and watching "Lassie" with the boys, resisting the tempatation to clean my house, and sipping hot tea to chase away the sore throat I've had for a few days. Feeling a little apprehensive about some changes coming up for us . . . new babysitter to Liam (We lost the last one to Indianapolis, the current one to Radiology school), new work schedule for me (still only 15 hours though), and as mentioned we are selling our house soon in order to get into a different school district. Maybe all this is the cause of the slingshotty feelings. And I'm turning 33 on Friday. That's something, right? Back to hot tea and transitions . . .

Grace at the library . . .

2006-12-05T20:00:00.000-08:00

We love our library here in Urbana. For example, they have a great kids department and they have a coffee counter, where they will put your coffee in a travel mug so you can carry it around the library with you. It's a great place to be. The parking lot is paid meters, so it usually costs a dollar or so each Tuesday that I take Liam for our little library time. This morning as I pulled into the lot I could see little red and green cards tied onto all the meters. When I got close enough to see the writing, I saw that it said, "Happy Holidays from the Urbana Free Library. From Thanskgiving Day until New Year's Day Parking is Free." You literally did not have to put change in the meters while you were parked in the lot. I sat in the car, as Liam worked on unbuckling his seat belt, thinking, "How can they get by not collecting money from the meters for 6 whole weeks? I mean do they plan ahead, like in their budget, so they can give out GRACE at the holidays?" And that got me wondering why the public library felt compelled to give out grace at the holdays. I mean we are using the "city's" parking lot. We owe them money for that, that's the rule. And then I got that great feeling inside that I always get when God is reminding me of how much He loves me. He gave me grace, when I really owed Him a debt. He paid the sin-debt for me in Jesus. Silly, that the free parking at the library can do that for me, but it did. It made me think about my great God all day. I so look forward to a whole Christmas season of being reminded even in the most unlikeliest of places of how much God loves me.

One more reason to love first Grade . . .

2006-09-28T09:25:00.000-07:00

Okay we already love the school Aidan is at, it being a smarty pants school, and artsy and fun to boot . . . but today gave me reason to love the school even more. Today when I dropped Aidan off the music being played was "Puff The Magic Dragon," and not like a new version or anything . . . it was the old version that I loved when I was a kid. I love that song. And all the kids were singing along, and most of the families at Aidan's school have not even lived in America long enough to know Puff the Magic Dragon. So that's a happy day right there.

Reporting from the loo . . .

2006-08-18T14:58:00.000-07:00

Okay. . . I've sunk to an all-time mommy high point . . . I've locked myself in the bathroom, just so I can check email and some blogs. That's bad, right? I'm seriously hiding out from "the boys" just for a few moments to be with my Lifebook and our great new wireless service. These boys have sort of been, how would you say, bugging the fire out of one another for the past few days. School starts back up for Aidan on Wed., that's first grade, and I don't think it could come any sooner. So what does a two year old and a pretty high functioning 6 year old have to argue about? Well, the latest brouhaha that led me to lock myself in the bathroom was Aidan trying to convince Liam that the "building" in his coloring book was in fact the Eiffel Tower of Paris, France (not Paris, New York where Aidan had previously thought the location of the Eiffel Tower.) Liam would respond with "nuh-uh." Aidan would respond with, "Yes, it is." And so on and so forth. You'd hide away from that, right? I told Aidan, "Look, Liam doesn't know what the Eiffel Tower is or is not. In fact, he does not know what a tower is. He is two. He eats paint and bugs. Please don't cook yourself up into such a froth arguing with your brother." And then that's when I locked myself in the bathroom with the laptop. Not so bad now, huh?

In other great news . . . Josh and I went to the James Taylor concert in Peoria Monday night. It was such a great show. If you discount the fact that we were the only ones under fifty and not all "sillied-up" on cocktails. The third song of the show, James played "The Water is Wide" which we had played by a string quartet in our wedding. That earned the 3 million dollars it cost to attend the concert. (only slightly kidding.) Love that James Taylor.

Tap dancin' . . .

2006-07-18T13:49:00.000-07:00

I had a funny story to share with those of you who would probably find it most funny . . . Yeah, those are smoking tap shoes you see in the picture . . . smoking from the nearly hour and half Rachel Newell and I spent tap dancing in my kitchen today. We were awesome. What was really so funny about it is that like 12 years ago when I first met Rachel, I told her I owned two pairs of tap shoes and around 12 years of tapping experience and she had asked me if I could teach her sometime. Twelve years later on my wood laminate kitchen floor, we did some serious tapping. She is taking part in a little "dance competition" with some of her coworkers, which somehow involves her doing a tap dance to Brittany Spears, "Toxic." So that's what precipitated today's tapping. Me, I just tap for fun. So that's funny right? Thought so.

Summer highlights . . .

2006-07-11T06:20:00.000-07:00

I keep meaning to write a real post, but something always happens to prevent me. So I'm just gonna jot down some highlights from our summer so far and see what happens. . .

Josh and I were able to attend an Arts conference at Willow Creek Church in Barrington a few weeks ago. We had a great time. We did some learning, some listening, lots of singing, and plenty of laughing. I, not really being of the singing persuasion, took mostly writing workshops and got really excited about writing some stuff . . . not sure what yet, but some stuff. Maybe some drama to use at church or even trying my hand at some curriculum stuff for the kids . .. don't know yet. We heard some cool speakers, such as the guy who wrote the story lines for "Toy Story", "Cars," and other Pixar movies. He had great things to say about storytelling. And we heard from Ralph Winters, a producer who worked on the X Men movies, The Fantastic Four, and others. These guys are Christians and just had lots of great things to say about using creative gifts for God.

In important July news . . . Aidan will be turning SIX in just a few weeks. How can I possibly have a six year old? It's crazy. We're going to go to St. Louis Zoo as a birthday treat. Josh's birthday is the day before Aidan's, and his treat will be the closest seats I could get at the James Taylor concert in Peoria in August. Who's more excited, the 6 year-old about the zoo or the grown man about the James Taylor concert? It's a toss up.

In Henry family fitness news . . . Josh is officially registered to run the Chicago Marathon in October. And his training is coming along good for that. That's a lot of stinkin' running for those of you not training for a marathon. (26 miles) He's doing great, though. I'm still running in much smaller doses than that, and I'm up to 64 pounds of weight loss . . . so it's looking like this whole get in shape thing for Josh and I might stick after all.

We've been traveling a lot this summer mostly between Peoria, Bloomington, and here. Just had my Carroll family reunion in Peoria which can mostly be summed up as a banquet center full o' red heads, as Josh discovered years ago. He was astounded at the first one he attended, at just how many red heads could be assembled in one place at a given time. It's great.

So it's been a good summer, pretty busy, but we've had time to enjoy our family and relax. Hope you all are also having a great and relaxing summer.

I spent the weekend in 1990

2006-05-29T07:39:00.000-07:00

What a weekend. I got together with about 20 of my close high school friends for a little informal weekend soiree. Driving to Peoria Friday night, I tried to bring to mind all the pertinent information I should remember about each person who might be there. ( I wasn't sure who would be showing up.) I was trying to decide what I would talk about, just in case it was all uncomfortable silences, etc. But as soon as the crowd started shuffling into the restaurant it was all hugs and all the sudden 15 years evaporated. We were a really close group back in high school, but as it goes we all went our separate ways, with the exception of a few of us, namely myself and my friend Joy, who talk almost everyday. It was so great. My face and head are still hurting a little now on Monday from the ridiculous laughing that went on. Friday was adults only and then Saturday, we barbecued and let all of our kids play together. It was bizarre. Little "us-es" running around laughing together.
Aside from the kids and all the laughing, it was fun to look at each other and try to image that person in the role they had landed in. One, Tom, now a fire fighter in the Denver area. (He showed up with his new bride of six days.) Drew, in the Air Force, told us stories of his two trips to Bosnia, two to Iraq, the last being the one he missed too much of his newborn daughter's life. Then there's Joy, a doctor's wife in Bloomington. She's at home with the three cutest little kids you've ever seen. And Gordy, in the Chicago area, getting ready to celebrate his tenth wedding anniversary. Tonya, up in Grand Rapids, broke the happy news that they're probably coming home to Ill. soon. Oh and Jason, traveling around playing sand volleyball for bucks. Lori, expecting her first baby after lots of patient years of waiting on God to say the time was right. And Jill and Kevin, the only couple in the group who were high school sweethearts. We were missing a couple people, like Erik now a band director, who had a weekend of high school graduation activities to oversee. Hannah and Heather, now out in California. Ross up in Minnesota and Dave . . ., well sadly we couldn't track Dave down. Hopefully we'll catch those the next time around.
Those are a few. I love these people so much. And I realized that even though I don't see them so much these days, I think I am who I am a lot because of growing up with these guys. (okay I suddenly feel like I'm in an episode of "The Wonder Years" . . .) So maybe we'll do it again one of these days.

Happy Administrative Assistants Day . . .

2006-04-26T20:50:00.000-07:00

Have you hugged your administrative assistant today? I am an administrative assistant and I didn't even know there was a day to honor us until my boss took me out for lunch today. Huh . . . go figure. And it looks as though I have a parrafin hand dip coming my way, too, based on the good work I do as an administrative assistant. Huh.

In other happy news . . . I cleaned out all the "big clothes" from my closet last night, leaving approximately three items of clothing left in my entire wardrobe. Since January I've shed 40 lbs (55 since this time last year) and the clothing situation is getting bleak. What should only be a happy problem, has somehow served to creep me out when I see formerly snug clothes now hanging off my body. (Not in any Calista Flockhart kind of way, more like Cameryn Manheim after a good long go at Curves) So a large, scary shopping trip is on the dockett for this week or next. Five years of failed attempts of getting rid of the "baby fat," and my body has finally decided to jump on board with the concept. Hopefully it keeps up until I reach my goal in mid-July. I never thought I'd resort to running around my neighborhood all in the name of fitness. (Maybe to escape the snares of danger, but nothing on the up and up.)

Speaking of prolonged and senseless running . . . Josh will be running in the Indianapolis half-marathon on May 7th! (That's 13.1 miles to the lay person.) He's been training for months and months and we're excited about our weekend in Indy! (By the way he is running to raise money for Youth For Christ, if anyone has money burning a hole in their pockets.)

Sorry . . . shameless plug. But a good cause nonetheless.

Dread . . .

2006-04-16T19:04:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday night, and Josh and I are beginning to mill around the house in what I call the "Sunday night Dread." We do this every week. I don't know why. Sometime, usually after 9 pm on a Sunday night, the kids are in bed asleep, we both sink into these dread-like states. What is this? Why do we do this? We start talking about what we have to do in the morning. We're laying out our clothes for the morning. We're sulking. I hate this, yet I do it. It's like our weekend, our 48 hour hiatus from it all is over. uggh. It's been such a great day, too, celebrating Easter today and all. We need to get something going on a Sunday night, like "movie night," or "board game night" somethin' to ward off the dread.

Cinema and the 5-year-old

2006-03-09T20:03:00.000-08:00

The past few weeks have been big for our Aidan, age 5, in terms of an introduction to Cinema: Beyond Veggie Tales and Toy Story. First, he went to see "Curious George," with Uncle Rob. (who else would take him to a monkey move.) Then, based on his love of maps, we let him watch a good portion of "National Treasure." (Skipping through the shoot-em up scenes of course) He seriously loved "National Treasure" MORE than "Curious George." Go figure. He has yet to stop talking about that movie. I wonder, being that our 5-year-old followed the movie and so enjoyed it, what does that say about the movie. I bet he would love "Goonies" but I'm not sure that it's appropriate for him right now. To top it off, he and Josh watched "Star Wars (IV)" last night, Aidan's first time seeing it. (scenes edited, of course.) He was still pretty jazzed this morning. His two comments . . . "Mom, it's got talking robots in it." And, "I couldn't really understand CP30." It's so fun to watch him navigate new experiences. I can never guess what his reponse is gonna be. What a treat.

Good times . . . good times!

2006-01-28T18:10:00.000-08:00

Thanks, all you friends who came to visit this weekend! Thanks for traveling and being willing to throw your kids' schedules off all in the name of fun. It was a great time. It's always so great to spend time with you all. You're all so fun and creative and always show up with lots of interesting stuff to talk about. It always makes for a great party to be with you. Hope to do it again and pick up those stragglers who couldn't make . . . you know who you are.

Merry Christmas . . .

2005-12-24T06:53:00.000-08:00

I love Christmas. Not so much for all the stuff that goes along with it . . . the parties, the gifts, the food. I do love to visit with family and friends that I don't get to see often enough. But it's not even that. I love that every Christmas everything seems to change. It just feels different after Christmas. I always want to be different and better than I had been the year before. We usually have new stuff to organize in our house, especially since we've had kids. And after the tree gets taken down, we usually take the opportunity to change the furniture around. Everything just changes.

Everything changed on the very first Christmas. I mean one day the world was still awaiting the Messiah, and the next day he had arrived. Some people made plans to come see Him, some plotted to kill him. It was just different. It was crazy different for Mary and Joseph. I can remember back to the first days when we brought our baby boys home from the hospital. Our life changed so much then. I can't even imagine how drastic of a life change it felt to Mr. & Mrs. Joseph. They had become parents and protectors of the Savior. Life was going to be different for every person from then on who heard the news of Jesus' birth and believed what Mary already knew about Him.

So that's why I love Christmas. Everything has a chance to change and feel different. I look forward to that. I know so many of you are going through changes this season . . . new jobs, new locations, awaiting children, waiting to hear word on schools, waiting for what's next . . . I pray despite changing circumstances, our hearts continue to draw near to God. Especially this holiday when we celebrate the arrival of the very Way God made it possible to know Him.

Merry Christmas.

Heart Swell . . .

2005-12-20T20:58:00.000-08:00

I had one of those Mommy heart swell moments today . . . my boys and I went to a "Birthday Party for Jesus," which mainly consisted on some moms and kids from our church having a little cake, rubbing balloons on their heads, and other merriment. Before we had the cake, one mom asked Aidan if he could tell everyone about the Christmas story. What was so funny in this moment was that Aidan was wearing a pair of swimmer's goggles he found, and was completely caught off guard by the invitation. What made my heart swell was his response . . .

"Well, two shepherds were out flocking their sheep. They saw a very bright star in the sky, which actually turned out to be an angel. That angel told them that Jesus was gonna be born. There was a man and a woman named Joseph and Mary. They were gonna have Jesus. Mary gave birth to Jesus in a manger. After that, God had a Son. . ."

He told this without removing the goggles.

It made my heart swell to hear him tell this story without any reminders or nudgings from mom. I dunno. It makes my heart swell to hear my little boy talk about God. I think he gets Christmas, my Aidan. He doesn't care what he "gets." He doesn't believe in Santa, even though I told him we could at least pretend he's coming . . . no dice, Mom. He tells everyone that if you turn a candy cane upside down that it's "J" for Jesus, and "that's what Christmas is all about."

It just makes a mom's heart swell with joy.

LIfe is weird . . .

2005-11-17T18:09:00.000-08:00

I'm just feeling the weirdness of life today. I mean, no matter what happens, it's always okay because I have a God who made me and loves me. But, boy can it get weird from time to time. I've had the flu the last few days and have done a lot of sleeping and laying around thinking. Things always feel weird when you have a high fever. I tried to convince Josh this morning that I had a problem with gamma ray resistance. I don't really know what that means. But I said it and only slightly remembered it a few hours later when the Tylenol had kicked in. I think the nurse said something about gamma something or other when I got my flu vaccine the other day. Oh, yeah, I had a flu vaccine the other day. . . and now I have the flu. Weird.

On another weird note . . . maybe not weird, but unfortunate . . . I found out on Monday that I will be losing my babysitter for Liam. Not to death, just to Indianapolis. Her husband is taking a new job in Indy, which starts in just FOUR weeks. Wow, that leaves just a few weeks to find a replacement. I don't really want to find a replacement though. This particular woman's willingness to watch Liam while I worked a few hours a week was part of the reason I took the job in the first place. I tend to rely on circumstances to stand as God's confirmation or "un-" confirmation of decisions I make. Maybe that's not best. Josh said, "I think the only thing God is saying here is that maybe it was time for (that family) to take a job in Indy." So where am I left? In a state of weirdness as I see it. I'm not mad or anything. I just gotta pray.

In other news this week . . . Liam turned two! He's wonderful and fun. He is smiley and laughy, just like I lik'em. He's talking more with new words being added daily. Some favorites . . . "kishes, fishes, babiesh, stairsh, etc." He adores the "sh" sound. He loves Elmo. Which is weird in it's own right. I mean, Elmo. He's really the first muppet that we've welcomed into our family, but believe you me he's found his place. Aidan went to see his first play this week. He saw a production of "Junie B. Jones: First Grader." When I asked him to describe what the play was like all he said was, "Mom, do you know those were real people up there?" I realized we have a lot of work to do in the area of the arts.

In a good twist of luck I found a box of old tapes . . . old meaning "from college." I've been listening to a little Sara Mason, a little This Train, a little Herrod and Funk. Anybody remember these? So that's been fun.

My son idolizes Byron Grimes . . .

2005-10-26T20:43:00.000-07:00

With all this muckity-muck out there about people hating Byron Grimes, I thought I should put in something about the fondness my 5-year-old son has for Byron. You may or may not know that Byron is a taxi driver for a local taxi service here in our area. Something about this profession struck a chord deep in my son's soul. (You see, Aidan has a deep love and knowledge of cars, a passion he has had since around 18 months of age.) Sometimes Aidan will be playing with his hot wheels cars here at home, particularly the taxi hot wheels car, and he'll call that playing, "Byron." Also anytime we pass a taxi around town he looks closely to see if it's Byron, whether it's the company Byron works for or not. At church, he gets so exctied when we see Byron as though he were the ice cream man or something. So to hate Byron is to tear down my child's idol. Please, people, think twice. Think twice.

Fall, friends, fire, and cows

2005-10-09T20:28:00.000-07:00

It's been difficult to find a good Fall event to replace the days of Fall Retreats and Barn Dances from college days. But I gotta have a definitive Fall event to celebrate this time year. It's all so good, with the weather and the colors and all . . . a special event just seems necessary. I think the need was met this weekend when we "bonfire-ed" out in the country with a few of our neighbors. We were hosted by the parents of one of our neighbors who own property just east of Decatur (Argenta) complete with pastures, horses, cows, streams, etc. We had the time of our lives! We rode 4-wheelers and motor bikes all day, rode horses, studied cows from an uncomfortably close proximity (in my mind), threw walnuts in a creek, hiked through the woods, roasted hotdogs and marshmallows and just sat and stared at a fire. It was the best. Our 5-year-old took his first solo spin on a 4-wheeler, crashing into an electric fence only once. (Thankfully the juice was turned off for the afternoon.) I didn't really grow up very "country," but I seriously think I could really enjoy living out on a property like that. It was just so fun. It was like this giant adventure for our kids, and it was just nature . . . and a few all-terrain vehicles. So, fall, you've been officially celebrated by the Henry's!

New Orleans . . .

2005-09-10T21:36:00.000-07:00

I came across a somewhat aging plastic bag in the back of my closet tonight, and in it I found a bunch of souvenirs from my last visit to New Orleans ( about 10 years ago). During college I got to go on 2 all expense-paid trips to New Orleans (each a week-long) thanks to the Journalism Dept. We had meetings and seminars during most of the day, but we had the evenings to do as we wanted. Both trips I stayed in the French Quarter. I loved New Orleans. It was slighlty crazy at night (one of the trips was during the tail end of Mardi Gras.) But if your intent isn't to get drunk and stay that way while you're there, it's a beautiful, interesting place to be. I've wanted Josh and I to go there every since we got married. I can kind of see my way around the French Quarter in my mind and I can definitely remember a few places that I have wanted to visit again. Definitely Preservation Hall and Cafe Du Monde. Watching CNN the other night, the camera crew was walking through the French Quarter and I saw those two places still standing, a little dirty, but standing. I know it's silly, but I felt sad when I started to see the damage on TV, thinking that places that I visited and loved may not be standing anymore. Maybe a little relieved when I think of some of the creepy stuff that goes on in New Orleans getting washed away (the Voodoo, stuff like that.) I remember peeking in a Voodoo shop in the French Quarter. I wonder if those folks will make their way back into the city once the clean-up has taken place. I have a nice memory of walking in the French Quarter really early in the morning (maybe 6 am) and the streets had been wall to wall people the night before, with bright lights and Cajun and jazz music pouring out from every window. But in the morning, it was such a contrast. It was quiet. Instead of bright lights you could see all the colors of buildings, a pink one next to a green, next to a red . . . all lined with wrought-iron patios. It was really pretty, and different. I don't know anybody down there now struggling with the flooding, I just have some memories of some nice places I hope to see again.

Good day, sunshine . . .

2005-09-01T10:56:00.000-07:00

This is just a good day and I felt like writing about it. The house is sunny and breezy today. It's a great day to not have to work but to stay around the house instead. I just finished a good book, "The Good Earth," by Pearl Buck. Now I have three new library books to read. WONDERFUL! I've been thinking about starting/hosting a book club, er group, er whatever you call that. I have just been loving reading lately (lately? . . . I mean always) and want to read and talk about books with people more often. How does one go about that? Hmmm. Also, the bigger kid is at school having the time of his life and the smaller kid is snoozing away in his comfy, breezy room. I have cream puffs in the oven (mom's recipe) to share with the neighbors tonight. I'm telling you, it's a stinkin' great day for me. By the way . . .for those of you who read this blog, would everyone mind sharing what books they are currently reading? (If it's something you'd even recommend.) I'm coming near to the end of my summer reading list and would love some ideas for my fall reading list. So let's hear it . . .whatcha' been readin'??

Trouble sleeping . . .

2005-08-17T22:00:00.000-07:00

I made the silly mistake of trying a new vitamin enriched energy drink tonight and now I can't sleep. I keep replaying my day over in my head. I especially keep seeing my two little boys faces as I was leaving the house for a meeting tonight. They were sad. I had been working at the church today. So they were not happy to see me go tonight and I was not happy to have to leave them and miss bedtime, but unfortunately I had to go to some training at church. Aidan said, as I was walking out the door, "but I wanted to have a club with you tonight . . ." This whole working thing, be that it's only a few hours a week, can be difficult. Knowing that Aidan is starting Kindergarten in one week makes leaving him ever even harder. I never knew that I would want to be around these little boys so much.

Tomorrow is our day together, though. It's library day for us . . . It's always crazy to see what kinds of books the boys pick off the shelves. Urbana has a just built a new, beautiful public library. It's wonderful. The kids section is so much fun for us. I love that I have a little boy who loves books almost as much as I do. I wonder if I can take some pictures of them "book hunting . . ."

Aidan and I have spent time with a little boy who will be in his Kind. class and his mom. She also works (full-time as aprofessor). She pointed out to me that even when I was home with the boys full-time, wasn't I able to find something to feel inadequate about. She's right. There's always something. Did I feed them a good enough breakfast? Am I spending enough time with them today? Am I being too imapatient today? Have I shared God's Word with them today? I can never feel really confident, no matter the geography of us, that I'm doing the very best for them all the time. Sometimes it's overwhelming (i.e. right now). But sometimes I just look at them and think I'm doing a pretty good job. They're lovely kids.

Those wacky kids!

2005-08-12T19:04:00.000-07:00

So here's my wacky boys! These two knuckleheads keep me laughing, nearly at all times, especially that little one in green! That one peeking out from behind the chair has his moments,too. He had a few musings today that I just have to share . . . here goes.

In the car today, we heard the song "Celebrate good times. . .c'mon . . .woo hoo . . ." (you know the one. Aidan with a distressed look on his face said, "You know, you don't HAVE to celebrate good times . . . but you can if you want." (The first person to find philosophical fault with that song . . .my son.)

Second musing of the day . . . During our after dinner clean-up time in the kitchen, we were listening to a CD of Andy Griffith Bluegrass music (strange within itself) and Aidan in his excitement yells, "This music is ANDY GRIFFI-CAL!!!!"

Later, putting on his underware briefs after his bath, he looks at the tag and asks, "Why does it say Fruit of The Loom in my underware, shouldn't it say Fruit of The SPIRIT??"

And to cap the night off . . . at bedtime prayer, as I pray for him to grow up to know and love God, he interrupts with, "I already know and love God, Mom, . . . well, I guess I don't know all His powers yet."

What a kid. He brings an outrageous amount of joy to my life in the form of hearty and frequent laughter!!!

Yeah, we're CCH alum . . . jealous?

2005-08-09T21:58:00.000-07:00

I wanted to just write about our recent experiences at the newly improved Campus House (for those of you fellow CCH alum) but it appears I've been tagged by Shawanda, so I'll first respond to: "5 Reasons I am a Dork."

1.) I really do have a secret dream of starting a Pat Benatar/The Pretenders cover band. (Supremely dorky, says my husband.)

2.) After neatly folding and putting away the towels in my linen closet, I open and close the closet door several times just to see the neat stacks of towels I have created.

3.) My 5-yr.-old son knows more state capitals than I do.

4.) I occasionally tap dance in my kitchen, all in the name of "a good workout."

5.) I have danced with reckless abandon to musical themes from Bob the Builder, Rescue Heroes, The Backyardigans, and The Wiggles.

I'm not sure else to tag, so I'll just tag my husband for now. This outta be good, Henry!

Now on to CCH stuff . . .

Josh and I went down to Charleston a few Saturdays ago to help with a work day on the new building. Josh helped move book shelves out of Roger's office, shovel some rock, and help remodel that nasty men's bathroom in the old basement. He said he never thought he would be helping to clean it, let alone remodeling it!

Danah and I painted the new conference room. Roger gave me a few painting tips . . . which felt much like the instructions he used to give about who could touch the Cov House thermostat and when. Yeah, no pressure there. I became nervous after he used the phrase "no tolerance policy" in his instructions. I think we did a good job, though. The work day was made fun for us by watching Bill Whitsman's feats of athleticism on the furniture-moving carts. Also, Bill tried to sell us a pop-up camper throughout the day, which was also a little interesting.

We stopped by this weekend, too, and can say that things are really looking great! Some carpeting had been layed and most of the painting seemed to be done. It's pretty excting. I stared at the empty gravel space where Cov House used to be . . . a little strange. But man that new "sanctuary" is very cool.

We heards while in Charleston that a Charleston landmark, meaningful to us had closed . . .E.L. Krackers. Awww. Josh and I got engaged there and had been meaning to go there again someday for sentimental sake. Too bad.

So that was our day at the new CCH.

"Mr. & Mrs. Henry . . ."

2005-07-23T18:52:00.000-07:00

On Thurs. night Josh and I went to see the movie, "Mr. & Mrs. Smith," starring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. We generally liked the movie. But the best part for us is the car chase scene near the end of the movie. If you've seen it you may remember the sage green Dodge Grand Caravan minivan that they steal from Martin and then continue on to the shoot-em up car chase. We drive that identical minivan . . . color, style the whole bit. We left the theater feeling like the coolest minvan owners in the whole world. We rock!!!

Cultural Phenomenon . . .

2005-07-15T17:26:00.000-07:00

Last week, in a conversation with my dear spouse, I make reference to the "Stay-Puffed Marshmallow Man" or Peter Vinckman or something. He asks, "What's that?" Come to find out, my husband has never seen "Ghostbusters." Ever. Whaaaattt?? How did he make it this long in his life without ever seeing Ghostbusters? I let no time go to waste before I got on the horn and found a neighbor who owns G.B's on DVD. Needless to say, Josh has now seen Ghosbusters. Yes, another cultural phenomenon has been solved. I will fill my husband's head with the stuff of pop culture, I will!!!! (fade to evil laughter . . .)

Interview with a 4-yr-old . . .

2005-07-13T14:10:00.000-07:00

Today I've invited my 4- (almost 5) year-old son, Aidan, to a little interview for all the bloggers to read, Here goes :

Mom: Aidan, how are you today?

Aidan: Very good.

Mom: What can you tell me about computers?

Aidan: I already know about computers. They have electricity. And don't they have powers?

Mom: What do you do with a computer?

Aidan: Type, work, checking your email, learning about space, looking in at Nick Jr. . . all kinds of stuff.

Mom: Today's a very rainy day. How do you feel about rainy days?

Aidan: Sad.

Mom: hmmmm. . . Why sad, son?

Aidan: Cuz' I like to go outside.

Mom: What do you do outside?

Aidan: I like to swing, and I like a picnic. Nothing else.

Mom: Tell us what kind of books you like to read . . . you know, your favorites.

Aidan: I know my favorites and I like when Dad tells me a story . . .Hinckel Mendel. (Note: Hinckel Mendel is an ongoing fictional story, created by Josh for Aidan, about asimple man who lives a simple . . . goes to work, wears khakis, and lives in an apartment.) Once Dad told me a story about how Hinckel Mendel's furnace broke. It was cold in his apartment. They tried a new furnace.

Mom: What is your favorite book, though?

Aidan: Swiss Family Robinson, I said.

Mom: Do you have any thoughts about you upcoming stint in Kindergarten?

Aidan: I'm "relucted" about it. (Upon further questioning, I find "relucted" just means that he's not real sure about it yet.)

Mom: Any other thoughts about the big "K?"

Aidan: I like Michael (his Kindergarten teacher . . . and yes, they are supposed to call the teachers by their first names.)

Mom: Anything else on you mind that you would like to share with our readers?

Aidan: What readers?

Mom: Well, our friends reading my blog.

Aidan: Who are the friends?

Mom: Didn't your agent explain all this before he sent you over for the interview? Any ways, do you have anything else to talk about?

Aidan: Yes. I saw a puppy. . . PUPPY (giggle, giggle)

Mom: Right, then. Thanks for taking . . . (interruption)

Aidan: No, no erase all that.

Mom: No can do. All that puppy talk was on the record, pal. How about a final goodbye?

Aidan: I don't want to say goodbye.

Mom: All right, we'll leave it like that then. Stay tuned for an interview with Liam . . . to be broadcast when he begins speakg cipherable words!

2005-07-06T21:02:00.000-07:00

I'm working at our church in Champaign now as an administrative assistant. It's a fun job, and nice to be around our ministerial staff a little more often. They're a great bunch of folks. Our student minister is a pretty high energy kind of guy with good ideas. The other day as I was finishing up some work he walked by my desk and dropped a book down in front of me and said, "read this . . . you'll like it." The book is, "Searching for God Knows What," by Donald Miller, aka the "Blue Like Jazz," guy. I haven't read that book yet. When I tell people this they react as though I've comitted a crime. Already, I like this book so much. I keep having this feeling that the writer could really be a handful of people I know only pretending to be this Donald Miller to fool me. So far two ideas he talks about have stuck out to me. One is where he talks about how he knows God wants to relate to us personally ( or rather wants us to relate to Him) because of all the poetry in the Bible. I love thinking about this. He explains how facts and methods don't capture our hearts likes poetry and art does and that God wants to capture our hearts. I love it. I think there are more ideas that are getting me in this book, but I really think I would rather go read a little more from it. Some of you blogger friends who have read this or other Donald Miller books, can you tell what you've thought of him and some of his ideas? I had one friend tell me he talks about himself way too much for anyone's good. I relate well to someone talking about themselves and their journeys. So I like him so far. Would love to hear your impressions, thoughts, comments.

Some thoughts from Ukraine . . .

2005-06-29T18:17:00.000-07:00

I'm finally taking a little time to write a few thoughts from my trip to Ukraine. It's so odd because the last time I went to Ukraine I filled up nearly a whole notebook with thoughts, and this trip I came home with nothing. I guess I didn't really obser ve or ponder too much on this trip. I just was doing and it all became so much of reality. . . I mean the work we were doing. It wasn't like, "soak up the experience to remember for years to come," it was just focusing on what I was doing day to day.

We stayed with a family of non-believers. So our "downtime" became our time of greatest responsibilty. The night we arrived in our small village, the bus began dropping off our fellow team members with nice church-families in neighborhoods near the church. When it was down to just Josh, myself, and our interpreter the bus kept driving farther and farther away from the friendly welcome we received at the church. We were told we were being taken to a neighborhood that had not been evangelized and that we would be staying with a family of non-believers. We would be fed, given a place to sleep, shown around the village, etc. by people who were not doing so in the name of Jesus. Not something I was expecting. But I think it's what became the most important part of the trip for us. Two days before we left, the family braved a thunderstorm and a village-wide power outage to come to church with us. Both the husband and wife, who were hard working people and, as I imagined, not given to much emotion cried and waved good bye to us as we left town for as long as I could see them from my window seat.

We spent 5 days doing a Bible camp in a public school. We were told to expect 30 kids per day. We were overwhelmed with numbers over a hundred! We were expecting small wiggly, giggly kids like those that show up to our American VBS's and ended up with kids up to 16 years who were open and interested to hear the about Bible. Josh and I were blessed to be the Bible teachers for the week. We were both brought to tears when we realized many of the children were hearing about Jesus for the first time in their lives.

I loved the women I met for how hard they worked and how little they complained. Everywhere we went the woman of the house prepared a feast for us and it was so humbling how much love was shown to us. I tried to love back. It's hard to do when you're the bumbling American. I wanted to help our host "mom" with chores around the house, but I didn't know her system. I don't know how to pump water from the river in order to do a load of dishes. Or to take something freshly caught from the river and have ready for the morning's breakfast table. I only know how to do things "conveniently" thanks to all the stuff we own. I wanted so bad to show this woman and her family love. I just resorted to saying to it them with my best Russian I could muster, "Yah lublu vahs."

Oh yeah, I missed my kids more than I could have imagined. I kept saying, God, I hope you make this whole trip really worth because it hurts really bad to be away from the kids." And He did. It was so worth it. We returned to find them no worse for the wear. They had a whole set of adventures of their own to tell us about. Riding on tractors, feeding the ducks, nightly trips to the ice cream shop, walking up to the railroad crossing sign . . . the reunion was one of the best feelings I've ever felt, though.

The last night of the journey we were treated to a luxurious stay in one of Warsaw, Poland's finest hotels. And a great walking tour through some of the most beautiful parts of Warsaw. It was nice. It delayed processing some of things that had gone on during the previous two weeks. Josh and I kept referring to those 24 hours as the European honey moon we never took. IT was a nice way to end the trip.

So much more that I could write about . . . but I've worn myself out reliving it all. What a great experience, though.

Three days and counting . . .

2005-06-06T19:49:00.000-07:00

We have only three days left before we leave for Ukraine. I think we're set. We're pretty much packed . . .stocked up on Pepto and peanut butter. We've both polished up our testimonies . . . but truth be told we don't know what to expect. I mean what's God doing sending this predominantly stay-at-home mom and busy, never-left-the-country husband of hers out of the country on a missions trip? Life has just been crazy these last few months, this trip pretty much topping the list. I would say at least 99.9% of the people I've told I'm going on this trip have gasped and said with shock and disdain, "What about your boys?" Don't feel bad, you overwhelming majority, I gasp at myself too. I mean, what am I doing? Okay, here's what I'm doing. I love my little boys like I could never have imagined. I want the best for them, in all circumstances. What I've always thought the best to be was to be with them . . .all the time. And I have been. I rarely have left them with sitters or family, even to date my husband or spend nights out with girlfriends. But really what I know in my heart is that above all, "I am my beloved's and He is mine." God wants me to go on this trip . . . I think mostly to support my husband who knew two years ago we would go on this trip. My boys will be in amazing hands while we are away, as well as in the Most Amazing Hands. Two of our dear friends will be staying in Ukraine as the rest of the team returns after two weeks. The wife said to me this week, "What an amazing seed you're planting in your boys. To make sacrifices for God's glory is good." The pain of missing my children for those two weeks and for them to miss me is a huge sacrifice. It will not damage them, though. I want them to know me as a woman who puts God first and I have hope that they will see this through this trip. It gets too easy to live like the world . . . a house, the jobs, the minivan, mattering way more than they should. If I tell Him I'm all His, I have to be ready to go where He wants me to go an do what he wants me to do. I think the boys are going to understand this someday. They'll probably want me to go back after I come home and start smothering them with two-weeks worth of back-logged hugs and kisses. I can't wait to show Aidan the pictures of the children that we gave his toys to, the very toys he picked out to go to children we would meet there. I can't wait to show the kids pictures of people whose names sound "different" to them and then explain that they are our new friends whom we won't ver see, on earth, again. It's an amazing blessing that God has put before us. It's exciting. I can't wait to blog some of the lessons I learned when we return. Dahsveedahnyeh!

How did I get here . . .

2005-05-28T20:11:00.000-07:00

Today I was cleaning my kitchen and playing an old favorite, "The Police" on my handy under-the-counter CD player as I worked. Just as, "Message in a Bottle," comes on I look down and my 18-month-old is rocking out. Then we're holding hands as he dances on my feet. We're giggling and dancing and then the thought pops in my head, "how did I end up in this kitchen dancing with this gem of a little boy?" I mean I didn't see anything like this when I was making my life plans 10 years ago or so. The plans . . .maybe teach, maybe be a missionary, maybe get married if I really wanted to . . . And now here I am a mommy of two boys, playing "my" music in the kitchen when I think they're napping. This is my reality . . . my boys, my husband, the responsibilities of my home . . . But listening to old music and then having my little one toddle into the scene just made me pause and think, "how did I get from there to here?"

Weirdest dream ever!

2005-05-25T20:30:00.000-07:00

Seriously . . . I had this dream for real!!! I came across it recently in the pages of an old journal. I wrote everything down I could remember immediately after I woke up.

Nov. 21, 2000

Weird dream . . .

I was in college again or something. A few of us in the class were given these small binders. We just knew somehow they were the instructions for our next "secret mission." I was part of some secret federal project. My instructions were written in the margins of a magazine article. Also, a songbook was opened before me. The words to the song, "The Prayer," were written in Latin but it all somehow made sense to me. My mission would involve me going to an island off of Africa called "Anne Hoi," or something like that. I could expect it to be very cold, but also very hot before I left. I would be there for 2 days and I could invite someone to go with me. I considered inviting my brother and telling my parents I had been involved in this project. I couldn't read the specific instructions about what I'd be doing because the writing was messy. I got up from my table to do something and I saw the professor closing my binder and gathering up my notes that I had been jotting down about my mission at hand. "Oh no," I thought, "I'm dead now. I left all this top secret stuff out for anyone to see. What is she (the prof.) going to do to me now?" She asked to see me out in the hall. We tried to find an empty to talk in. When we found somewhere to talk, she lectured me about the confidentiality of this project. . . blah, blah blah. Also, she gave me further instructions about what I'd be doing. I was to attend this court hearing at a university and try to interupt the precedings with questions. The whole issue was with what languages they were teaching at the university. Some students were on trial for trying to learn English, I think, which was not approved by the university. She said the freedom of the students depended on me. As she was talking, I was actually there (in Anne Hoi) doing my job. The students spoke mostly French. And it was hot the whole time I was there. Then everything just skipped to my coming home. I came home by bus . . . school bus. I was wearing kind of an old-fashioned nurses uniform, with a big nurses hat with a red cross on it. I had a whole bunch of poodles on leashes. This was part of my "cover-up." The dogs had come from the "French-speaking" island I had been to. I got back to my university and met Tammy (Melchien). She was to help me with the poodles. (Oh yeah, if anyone were to ask about the poodles, I was to say that the bald one had a cat embryo implanted into it.) Tammy and I went to a bus stop. An ambulance, not a bus, came to get us. Tammy disappeared through a door to the front. But the opening was too small for me. The ambulance was seriously crowded with college students. I saw Josh across the way and he asked me where I had been and why I was wearing a nurses uniform. He didn't even notice the 8-10 poodles on leashes around me. Just then I awoke to hear Aidan playing in the next room.

This is so amazingly weird, but I really did dream it!

Poems I like . . .

2005-05-23T21:10:00.000-07:00

Oh I hear there's been another literary invitation sent out! Great! Here are three (0r four)poems I enjoy an have enjoyed for some time.

1.) "God's World," by Edna St. Vincent Millay. Sometimes I like to sit in the wind, listen to trees rustle in the breeze and think of this poem. Here's a quick quote, "O World, I cannot hold thee close enough! Thy winds, thy wide grey skies!" It's great to feel passion every now and then for the world God created.

2.) "Stop All the Clocks . . .," by W.H. Auden. I like the drama of the grief played out in this poem. I dunno why. A quote, "He was my north, my south, my east, my west. My working week, my Sunday rest. My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song . . ." I like to hear a sad little Irish man reciting this poem in my mind.

3.) "Disillusionment of Ten O' Clock," by Wallace Stevens. I remember teaching this poem to lippy high school kids ten years ago and actually having them love it and get it. Stevens was big on using one's imagination. Having young children, so am I. Here's a quote from a Stevens' essay titled, "Imagination as Value, " " . . .imagination is the power that enables us to perceive the normal in the abnormal, the opposite of chaos in chaos. It does this every day in arts and letters." --Wallace Stevens

4.) Finally, a classic and a favorite, read to me nearly every night at bedtime when I was a little girl, "Wynken, Blynken and Nod," by Eugene Field. I can still picture in my head what I thought Wynken Blynken, and Nod looked like in their wooden-shoe fishing boat.

Okay, so maybe these little poems are no "Wasteland-s" or other great epics. (I do like some of those, too.) But these are the ones that came to mind when I think of my favorites.

Books I like . . .

2005-05-19T22:46:00.000-07:00

So, this is in response to Johnny's book tag thing. Enjoy.

1.) Total # of books owned: combined marital book collection . . .app. 300. (most of Josh's are just weird books like old physics textbooks and stuff like that. Why? I don't know.)

2.) The last book I bought: The Oxford Pocket Russian/English Dictionary (in preparation for our upcoming trip to Ukraine)

3.) Last book I read: either Jane Eyre, by one of them Bronte girls, or Without Reservations: Travels of an Independent Woman, by Alice Steinbach. (I think I was reading them at the same time.)

4.) 5 books that mean a lot to me: (I too will leave the Bible off my list, though I am quite fond of it.)
-Desiring God, by John Piper
-C.S. Lewis Had a Wife, by William J. Petersen
-Traveling Mercies, by Anne LaMott
-Big tie for C.S. Lewis stuff, (Narnia, Surprised by Joy, Screwtape, etc.)
-The Man Who Was Thursday, by G.K. Chesterton

5.) Tag 5 other people and have them respond on their blog. I'm not sure I can tag anyone because I don't know too many other people who read my blog . . .I can name a few more authors I like to read and could tag if they were not dead . . .actually how about if I just name some dead people that I really have enjoyed reading about . . .like Rich Mullins, for example. I love that man. And Keith Green. If I even think about him I want to be a better person. Sting . . .he's not dead but I read his autobiography recently called "Broken Music." It was quite good. I love that man too. Oh yeah, St. Augustine. He's dead and I really enjoyed reading, "The Confessions." Wait, have I brought on some sort of bad luck now or something for not tagging actual live people?

Welcome to Potemkin Village . . .

2005-05-12T21:21:00.000-07:00

While reading today, I came across the expression, "Potemkin Village." Apparently the phrase refers back to a Russian army officer in 1700's, Grigori Aleksandrovich Potemkin. He had apparently taken a liking to Catherine The Great. Wanting to impress Catherine during one of her visits to Ukraine in 1778, Potemkin ordered that "fake," temporary, yet splendid looking villages be built along the path Catherine would take to reach her destination. What lined Catherine's path appeared to be rich and beautiful, yet it hid the actual poverty that stood behind the fake houses. I know when Josh and I are walking the village streets in Ukraine in less than a month (whoa, it really is approaching fast) there won't be any "Potemkin Villages." We'll see the tiny village we'll be staying in for what it really is. I hope we're able to make real connections with people we meet, especially our host family. Though the poor, Ukrainians we will come to know as friends may think that we are rich Americans who have so much, I hope they see inside us and know that the thing we have with the highest value is the love of God.

That kid can't break a rule to save his life . . .

2005-05-09T07:08:00.000-07:00

Josh and I have both discovered Aidan has adopted a "thing" about not breaking a rule that has been posted in writing. While enjoying an afternoon at Fox Ridge Park, Josh asked Aidan if he'd like to sit in the front seat (and not in his usual car seat in the back of the van) while they make the 100 yard trek up to the bathrooms. Aidan, with complete disdain for Josh, tells him no. Josh asks why. Aidan replies, "The air bag, Dad," pointing violently at the bright yellow warning posted on the sun visor above the passenger seat. To paraphrase . . .it says something about if that air bag were to pop open while a kiddo is sitting in the front seat . . . well, not so good really. So he happily crawls in to his car seat in the back, missing the chance to see all the "goings on" up in the front. He gave me the same song and dance a few weeks ago when I gave him the chance of a lifetime to sit on my lap and "steer" the van as we pulled it three feet from the driveway into the garage. All this from a kid who is more than obsessed with cars and how they work, etc. Okay, so he's a rule keeper. I guess you could end up with worse . . .

Hey, I need those hands . . .

2005-05-05T20:54:00.000-07:00

So I spent the entire day trying to figure out how to go through life without using my hands. In a strange turn of events this week, it seems I'm suffering from a little tendinitis and carpal tunnel in both of my arms, wrists, and hands. At the doctor this morning I was gifted with these lovely arm braces that have set my arms into a state of rigamortis. How am I able to type, you ask? Very slowly. I asked my 41/2-yr.-old if I looked like a robot in my gray arm braces. He looked at me thoroughly unimpressed, rolled his eyes and said no. I think I look a little like wolverine from X-men. So I'm just hoping I get use of my hands back before I start my new job on May 16th. Funny thing about the doctor this morning . . . our family doctor has left the area so we've just been seeing whoever's available until we pick a new family doc. I saw a "Dr. Wu," this morning, Dr. Stan Wu to be exact. What's funny about this is that in college I dated a guy who played in a band called, "Dr. Wu - Rock and Soul Revue." Ha! Doesn't the past always come back in some way or the other? I can say, though, Dr. Stan Wu exuded neither rock nor soul, but pleasant bedside manner.

I make myself sick . . .

2005-05-03T21:12:00.000-07:00

I mean, i really make myself ill sometimes. I have a horrible tendency to second guess every decision I ever make. I found myself locked in the bathroom this morning vomiting repeatedly while my two little boys banged on the bathroom door asking for apple juice. And I really think the problem was just an overload of worry I've been swallowing lately because of all the big things that have been happening in my life. For one, I've second guessed the school we're sending Aidan to next year. It's a primary school on campus, lots of research going on there, and they call the teacher by his first name. A school for little smarty kids. A great opportunity for our boy, but I heard an overdressed, overweight evangelist on tv today use the expression that not every open door is a "God door." I don't usually take spiritual advice from flashy evangelists, but I can say that phrase has only added to my repetoire of worry. Lots of worry has surrounded my decision to go to work part-time. I have loved being home for the last 5 years with my kiddos, and I wasn't necessarily planning to go back to work just yet. It's just that a job that seemed perfect for me has come my way and they want me and I said yes even before all the details of childcare, etc were established. I guess there's a few other smaller things swirling around too that have me a little ill at ease. I tell myself that I'm trusting God with my life. I pray and I wait. And then I end up camped on the bathroom floor waiting for a little more worry to come up so I can flush it down the toilet. Isn't there a way to avoid all this?

My boy . . .

2005-05-02T18:54:00.000-07:00

What a kid. I don't even know where all this personality that pours out of him comes from, but I know I am crazy about this kid. He's almost 5, but he's so smart and funny, and so conversational. He can totally, and quite often, catch me off guard with his humor and genuinally make me laugh. And I love to laugh, I survive off laughing most of the time. So to be blessed with a child that can make me laugh is just such a gift. His hair is orange and generally mussed. His cheeks are often red, for no good reason. When he smiles, it involves every pore, crevice, and freckle on his face. Aidan already loves God and somehow knows things about Him that has taken me all of my 31 years to understand. He constantly refers to Jesus as his "boss" and he gives glory to God in situations where it did not occur to me to thank our Father. Aidan is creative in everything he does. He comes up with the best ideas when we are playing or when he is writing stories or drawing pictures. I love how Aidan, no matter the importance of the event or situation, operates with this amazingly innocent excitement. Having a friend over to play, going outside to water a new plant we have planted, cleaning up so the house so it will be clean for Dad's arrival home from work . . . it all just excites him so much. And the way this kid loves the people in his life . . .He loves his granparents so much. He loves his Dad like crazy and can hardly wait each afternoon for him to walk through the front door. He even loves his drooly little brother who steals toys and only makes strange squawking sounds. My Aidan, my first-born boy, he is such a dear, dear gift to me. I try to tell him everyday that he was given to me as a gift from God. Because that's what he is. He is not just a decision that Josh and I made. Or anything I have a right to have because I am a woman with a working reproductive system. He is a gift from God.

How to not marry a jerk . . .

2005-05-01T19:29:00.000-07:00

So this really was the topic of our sermon at church today. It was predominantly geared toward singles and those in the courting stage, but it was so good. As Randy was taking us through the steps to avoid marrying a jerk . . . I looked over at my husband, with his fresh hair cut, wearing a shirt I love on him, and I couldn't help but think, "I made it! I DIDN'T marry a jerk." He is such a great friend, and husband, and dad. We went out with two other couples from church this weekend (our age, same age kids as us) and they asked us to tell "our story" . . . how we met, how we got engaged, what attracted us to each other. There's something so great about going back a decade and talking about what it was like meeting and getting to know "the boy" who would eventually become my husband and the father of my babies. It's just fun to be married. It's fun to be in love and to be such good, good friends. It's amazing to have the fortress and and the secret safe garden of a marriage . . . a place that is only ours. Many times when we're around other couples, they will start telling stories about each other. You know, embarrasing stories. But we are cautious about opening the garden gates to others. Well, there was this time that Josh told our entire, new small group that I was reading, "Bridget Jones Diary." I told him not to tell anyone, thinking that book was a little pedestrian for someone with an English degree. I've since read up on lots of Hemingway, Greene, Chesterton, and an occasional Bronte girl. But other than that, he keeps my secrets and I keep his. So, to the poor singletons waiting . . . keep watch and wait with "vigilant patience."

So you like blogs, don't ya?

2005-04-30T22:18:00.000-07:00

At the suggestion of my husband, I'm gonna blog. It's a little late tonight to sort thoughts and write anything meaningful but I'm sure it'll become useful in the upcoming weeks. So much is happening in my life and the life of our family. It's good things, even amazing things. But decisions have had to be made so quickly and deadlines are constantly nearing, so there is hardly time to just sit and sort thoughts. I feel like when I pray I'm constantly rushing God. Like, "I love You, You're amazing, can you give me a clear direction in the next 8 hours because they need to know tomorrow." Not the best way to interact with the Creator of time, life, etc. He's in control . . . right? How in the world can I forget that? I mean, what good thing has ever happened to me that didn't come from His hand? He is the Giver of all good gifts. And my good gifts . . . a husband who I love and enjoy (he loves me ,too), two little boys who truly are the sunshine of my life, a job I will be beginning in May that I know I will love and will work out for the benefit of our family, and an amazing opportunity to serve God in another country; an opportunity for which He has worked out all the details. These are just some of the good things in my life. They are things God has given me, yet I constantly find ways to fret over them. Well, blogging has been kind of nice for my first time. I actually think I'll be able to sleep well tonight. Ahhhh. . .